Waxing, Waning
I wish to shine like the moon and guide sailors along with the light as if I were a star.
I wish to rise like the sun and begin each new day as a beacon, warming the people I surround with my light.
I come and go as the tide, always washing in new items, pulled by the moon, sinking deep. I cannot rise and I can only drift deeper into the murky depths below.
It always just after midnight inside me, where wishes never come true.
I wish I may
I wish I might
In the end I only resign.

If it’s all okay now,
If we’re all fine,
Why do I feel like screaming until my I can split open my mind?

Truth is that if I’m ever required to make a choice between cutting someone down or being truly and utterly vulnerable I will undoubtedly cut everyone in my path down because I trust no one. Not even you.

I want to know the ghosts of your past that keep you awake at night when you should be holding me.

I can’t sleep without you.

There was something so magical about how even if you didn’t understand what I was talking about, you would take it all in and come back later with new thoughts. You are the only one to do that. I think I loved you because you made me feel understood. You are my addiction and I don’t think I’ll ever be free.

There is only one picture of you and I on this planet. It is one of my all time favorite photographs. We are so happy.
I look at it and the memory overwhelms to the point of tears. It is joy encapsulated in a snapshot. I loved you. Not in the way you wanted, not in the way you needed. I loved you all the same. Still do.
I look at that photo and I tell myself we are better off without each other but I wouldn’t change a moment of our time together for anything in this world.

I’m so tired of being both perceived as a threat and not a threat at the same time.

Can you love me deeply?
Love me so boldly that anyone can see that we are fireworks exploding in the night sky? I am not made for watercolor romance, pale and delicate. I am made for more. Are you my more?